Being the resident male at Papierdoll, I normally stay behind the scenes and primarily make sure the check is in the mail. I just felt the need for this one time only to speak on Almost Girl’s Black Friday Blogging.
It’s about time… damn it.
Every **expletive** year, I see women (the ones I know in particular) leave their homes early Friday morning after Thanksgiving with fire in their eyes.
They *will* be the one to get that dress, TV, special gift. Some hair pulling, slapping, choking, dropkicking might have to occur, but that item, whatever it is, *will* be theirs. If some unlucky male (husbands, boyfriends, sons, brothers, cousins) happens to accompany them, they must know their place: in the corner, out of the way, sitting with the other schmucks who are wondering how they got involved in this mess.
The plotting and planning begins the night before, after the dinner. Women strategically plot entry points, must-haves to can-do-withouts-if-necessary, immediate access to communication devices: cell phones, walkie talkies, text messages, etc… to alert fellow comrades before the enemy (other women not on the team) find out. The day of, they go through various permutations to ensure maximum shopping success. It’s a finely crafted plan that gets scrutinized and glossed over until it’s second nature.
Those that have gone through it before -and survived- know exactly what must be done. It’s a polite war where etiquette may sometimes go out the window for that last Marc Jacobs coat.
If there is a break, it’s for lunch, and even then, there has to be some sort of complex plan based on The Art of War that must be followed through to exact detail. This way, they don’t miss anything, they get everything they need and they won’t have to give up their firstborn if everything works out.
This is all because “the man” says that’s what needs to happen. My 2 cents: “the man” needs a good talking to. That man has messed it up for the rest of us men, who would rather be watching football, playing videogames or doing whatever other stereotypical thing it is that we do when the warriors are out holiday shopping. I say holiday shopping because Christmas is sooo last year.
So congratulations Almostgirl, Final fashion, Kiss Me Stace, Fashiontribes and the rest of you BlackFriday bloggers. You’ve made my dream come true. I hope.
-Sam
2 Comments
lol… well said Sam. As a girl who hates that “shop-til-you-drop” insanity I’ve always felt some solidarity with the guys on the “boyfriend bench” in the store with the dazed look on their faces…
I know guys… it is a bizarre scene. I’m just as scared as you are. You might want to stand up and say “It’s just a freakin purse!” if only that didn’t mean sudden death.
I laughed so hard my sides hurt Same! Hysterical! And as a classics studying university student I am actually reading the Art of War this quarter in depth. I should have tought to apply it to my shopping!
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[...] Welcome to Day Four of Black Friday Blogging! As we steamroll towards the big event we just keep picking up more interesting characters! Let’s give a big welcome to Fizure or “cliched metaphors, hysterical warning of Armageddon, and sex” at Satire is Dead But to prove satire is not in fact dead check out Sam’s post at Papier Doll As a good classics reading University of Chicago student I should have thought to apply a little Machiavelli to my shopping, in fact I am studying Art of War this quarter. Too late now! Spread the word guys! Let’s start talking! [...]